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DECEMBER

With December came anxiety and the death of forever and the rise of the ghosts of pains past, present and future.

With December came an awakening that I was killing myself to keep the thing that was killing me alive.

With December came a realization of the fact that love is not enough and hearts should stick to pumping blood.

With December came emotions that told me I could not just keep running through life with these motions that broke me.  I had to break free and break what was breaking me.

In December, I felt, I cried, I prayed, I broke, I fixed, I ached, I became.

In December, the chickens came home to roost and they weren’t as great as I thought they would be, but I was grateful for their homecoming anyway.

In December, I learned that even the most majestic bird can still run into a window and
In December, I learnt you were the window I kept running into and I had to stop because I needed a break, to breathe from the endless aching of my head banging against your window because you were not listening.

In December, I prayed, I prayed for us but my prayers were hollow, they were empty because my heart had been broken too many times the pieces could not even make a sound as they were being swept off.

In December, there was me, there was you, there was no us.

In December, I learned, I learned that friendship is a ship that sinks easy but if you fight hard enough, you will patch it up and it would rise and sail again.

In December, I learned that family transcends blood, that family is your solid ground, even though their stones may hurt you and their sands may blind you, they would always be the concrete in your steps.

In December, I learned what beauty was. I learned that beauty is not skin. I learned that beauty is everything you don’t see. I learned that beautiful is not a word, it is a universe and each one of us is a multiverse.

So here’s a toast to January.

Hi January, calm my shaking hands January.

Teach me, January.

December broke me and December fixed me  ,

So dear January, renew me.

Jojo Inika


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